Proposing To My Boyfriend: why I did it and why you could too (if you want)

If you were to look up "macho" in the dictionary, you would not find my fiance's photo. You may find it under, perhaps, "serene." Possibly it would be lurking (in a friendly sort of way) next to the word "calm." Most likely of the bunch, it may be next to the rather unexpected entry "Jiminy Cricket," as one of his most commonly-uttered phrases just so happens to be: "Grace, please do not put that on the internet. If you do, you will be sorry."

Like Jiminy Cricket, his good advice is typically, and unfortunately, ignored, which explains why I am constantly getting into rather a large amount of trouble on facebook. But that's really a story for another day, or no day at all, because Josh says I probably shouldn't put that on the internet.

My picture, on the other hand, would likely be found next to "brash," or "spontaneous," or possibly (okay, probably) "kind of dumb sometimes." Because I am kind of dumb sometimes. Oddly this is sort of considered to be a masculine trait, in so much as frat boys are wont to do silly things like engaging in parkour without any physical training, attempt to drink 12-packs of beer in one sitting, and, er, propose to their girlfriends. Generally dangerous activities, really. And don't worry Grandma, I don't do either of the first two.

Some women have lovely stories about candlelit dinners and rose petals in the jacuzzi and secluded picnics at the beach at sunset, stories that usually end with long-ass descriptions of expensive shiny crap and a general sense of dreamy wonderment. My story is from the other side of the ring.

When I told my mother I was planning to propose to Josh (all the while swooning at the romance of it all), her first question was: "do you think he isn't going to?"

Now, this bit takes some explaining. I am very, very bad at gender roles. I don't rebel against heteronormativity on purpose, I'm just... a really, really unskilled wife-to-be. Or husband-to-be, for that matter. Gender roles don't really occur to me when I am planning my life. So no, the reason I planned to propose was not because I thought he wasn't - it was entirely because I wanted to.

Which, when you really think about it, is one of the best reasons to do something.

I don't deny that it could have blown up in my face. (Well, actually it wouldn't have because if you know Josh, you know that the most it could do was fizzle. He is one mellow dude.) If I was dating someone who had a lot invested in being the one behind the ring, I don't think I would have proposed. If he had been insecure in his ~manhood~ I wouldn't have proposed. If he was set on going about things in the traditional way, I wouldn't have proposed. If he was fearful of commitment, I wouldn't have proposed. But Josh isn't any of those things, and it went absolutely perfectly.

(He says I shouldn't put the sound he made when he saw the ring on the internet.)

So now it's your turn to talk to me about proposals. Were you the proposer? Do you want to be, someday? Did the engagement come about by mutual agreement?